


Being

by sombreset



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: It gets kind of philosophical, Lovable and very human Yugi, M/M, Mentioned/Implied prideshipping, Puzzleshipping, Sex scene but also a lot of plot and a lot of lore with a dash of angst, Sun/Life God Atem, The year is 1982 and the journey is ending, They're staying in a crummy motel, This oneshot is for Yugi's birthday but is also very very much so tied into the Obsidian timeline, This story takes place about 25 years before the events of Obsidian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sombreset/pseuds/sombreset
Summary: Words bubbled out from Yugi’s lips and he wasn’t sure where they came from or if he was thinking at all:“I’m here, I always will be, I’ll protect you.”It was odd, he thought, that he chose to say those things to an entity that could end the world with a mere look. Maybe it was because Yugi felt like something else, something beyond any sort of praise he had ever given himself. He fell through the gates of Atem’s heart without realizing it and saw the world becoming.





	Being

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Yugi.  
> As mentioned in the tags, this story is deeply tied to Obsidian, and therefore contains possible spoilers.  
> I really put a lot of thought into this one, hope y'all enjoy it :-)  
> Comments are greatly appreciated.  
> Feel free to chat with me on tumblr/twitter @sombreset  
> Thank you.

It was a lucky thing, them finally finding a place to stay before the rain came down. So close to the coast, yet so far because they had to be quick on their feet. Couldn’t be found, no, Atem couldn’t be found unless it was with the eyes of legends. Bedtime stories about the Sea God, a mirage on the water that was only seen with backs turned away.

Close or far, the ocean watched and so did the waiting men. A trap or a resolution, whichever ended the journey first. Even Yugi knew, travels and fulfillments so far past his own world couldn’t last forever, and certainly not much longer. The storms grew, and hurricanes ravaged as an otherworldly version of a threat. A show of impatience, longing, and love.

Yugi also knew that he would have to say goodbye very soon. He didn’t want to, he thought repeatedly until it became a blur of a feeling. He didn’t want Atem to disappear from his life.

“Good timing, wouldn’t you say?” Atem smiled and hung up his oversized raincoat on the hanger near the entrance. The door was kind of odd looking, just like everything else in the motel. A dark green coat of paint that was likely older than Yugi was starting to chip off, an especially large chunk missing near the brass knob. The walls were green as well, only more pale and maybe a bit newer with an obnoxiously elaborate pattern. They were not without damage either. The wallpaper was tearing away like wrapping paper, like the room was trying to tear itself apart to reveal the secrets it was hiding inside. To reveal Atem to the world so he may finally be destroyed, contained, or worshiped. Whichever intent found him first.

“The rain would have stopped me in my tracks, surely. And what a sight that would be! You trying to remain unsuspicious, dragging a man rigid and cold as stone through the doorway.”

Yugi gave a decidedly passable response: a quick smile, a sigh, and a tiny “hm” of acknowledgement. He unbuttoned his windbreaker, hung it up, and was quick to pass by Atem and into the small bathroom. Yugi blinked a few times. More green. The sink, the tub, the toilet. He knew the motel was old, and that the heavy usage of colors was normal a few years ago but now it just screamed headache. At least the tiles were white. The motel manager might as well throw some paint on him too, at least then he could match. Or get eaten by the motel and blend in that way.

Yugi turned the sink knob and washed his hands, splashed water on his face and dug his fingers into his eye sockets.

“...Yugi?”

When Yugi turned his head sharply to face the direction of the voice, it clearly took Atem by surprise-- he gasped a little and took a step or two back out of the bathroom.

“Don’t you think this room is just _hideous?”_ Yugi laughed something weird and walked past.

Atem observed patiently as Yugi paced the room and pointed at the wallpaper, tapped on the armchair, smoothed out the duvet on the queen sized bed. Slapped the top of the television set for good measure.

“Yugi,” Atem tried, brow furrowed in concern.

“I mean, don’t _you_ think it’s a little ridiculous? Look at all the _green_ in here! It’s like a forest puked up a room and tried to pass it off normal!”

Atem tried again, a bit more of a warning to his tone. “Yugi.”

The attempt was ignored, Yugi sat down roughly on the bed and grabbed at his shoelaces. “Oh, look at me. A fucking idiot, I’d say! I forgot to take my shoes off. I’d hate to track mud in this room, lest it look like shit as opposed to bile.”

“Why are you so sad?”

A fool caught in the headlights of Atem’s incredible ability to sense emotions. Yugi knew, he saw it in Atem’s eyes when he walked out of the bathroom. It wasn’t his words that caused Atem to look troubled-- no, it was his heart. But what Atem _couldn't_ do was read minds.

“...You really want to know?”

Atem nodded, still standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

“I’m… bummed that I couldn’t celebrate my birthday like normal this year.” Only partially a lie.

Yugi wasn’t sure if Atem looked more upset because he detected the shitty bluff, or if it was because the bluff itself was a shitty thing to say. He avoided eye contact, kept his focus on the shitty wallpaper and the sound of rain outside.

Maybe it was best if the motel ate them up like he imagined earlier. Atem’s lack of response thickened the air, and without looking Yugi was sure he hadn’t moved from where he was standing either.

He peeked through his bangs and saw Atem’s legs still stiff in the same spot.

“Sorry,” Yugi mumbled. “Don’t be upset. I didn’t mean anything bad.”

“Thank you for your help, Yugi.”

 _What?_ Yugi looked at him fully and was greeted with a smile so fake he thought Atem might have lost it completely. Or, maybe all of it was a trick and Yugi was a dead man.

“I cannot thank you enough for finding me. Or, for your support and guidance throughout this journey.”

Yugi was starting to feel nervous.

“I’m sorry that I caused you so much trouble and so many upsets,” Atem continued, “it was selfish of me to keep you so close to danger. Jonouchi, as well.”

 _Really_ fucking nervous.

Another big smile. “Once the rain passes, I’m sure I can be on my way to the coast. I’m quite good at keeping a low profile. I suppose… all I’ll need is a map. I know the land well, but not the detours I must take due to human development.”

It took everything in Yugi’s soul and body to keep his rising panic at bay, but he couldn’t. The last thing he wanted was for Atem to leave, _no, he got it all wrong,_ it was his leaving all too soon that Yugi couldn’t fucking handle.

He didn’t want to say goodbye.

“Now you are feeling worse?” Atem took lights steps over to him, crouched down next to the bed so he could look Yugi in the eye. “Why? What is it that you want to hear?” He shook his head. “I’m no fool, Yugi. You’re hiding something. But if all you do is hurt and never tell, I can do nothing but guess. And it seems all of my suggestions have been sharp stones to you.”

Outside, the rain worsened. The noise grew, and Yugi hoped it would drown out his idiotic thoughts that were clanking against his skull so hard Atem could surely hear it. Confession built in the back of his throat like vomit, sickly and dated just like the damned motel room.

So he said, in a voice so weak: “Don’t leave.”

Atem hesitated momentarily before sitting down next to Yugi on the bed. “I certainly don’t want to. But I worry about you more than myself. My heart does not hurt as wildly as yours.”

Confession waited like acid and liquor mixed with mushed up food chunks after a good night accompanied by a drink too many. It felt quite the same: the truth of everything-- _his confession,_ he couldn’t keep it back and everything would come up in a hurl of festered feelings he assumed would swim in his bowels indefinitely. Long after Atem was gone and out of his life forever. Maybe that was how he would spend his future nights in the quiet of his late grandfather’s house. No, _his_ house. Grandpa had been dead for years, he wasn’t a teenager anymore. Every week or two he’d surely find himself lying in bed thinking of Atem’s mannerisms, a hand stuck down his briefs. Surely that was a better alternative to fucking up everything right before the end.

“Oh,” Atem shuddered out. Yugi looked over at him. Atem looked ghastly, a hand over his mouth and his eyes on the pile carpet.

Too much, Yugi thought. He needed to calm down. Atem couldn’t help sensing Yugi’s emotions when they were this close. This strong. Had no control over it, Atem said a few times before. Like bringing a raging fire next to skin and expecting it not to bubble and shudder.

“Sorry. I’m sorry, I’ll be back.” Yugi sat up abruptly and left Atem sitting there looking weak as a human. He grabbed his windbreaker from the hanger and left the room. It wasn’t too cold out, but the rain made it miserable. Too wet. He grabbed his keys from the jacket’s front pocket and made way to his car. Only five other guests were staying at the motel, all a few rooms down so Yugi had the great convenience of parking right outside their door. That meant the car was a few footsteps away and they could easily drive off in a moment’s notice. In the case of an emergency. A real need to flee as fast as possible. All good things.

Yugi unlocked the car door and sat in the driver’s seat with a thud. He leaned over to open the glove compartment. On top of all of his unkempt insurance paperwork and other miscellaneous car shit sat a pack of unopened smokes. Emergency smokes, were what he called them when Jonouchi asked for one. No you can’t have one, Yugi had said, in case we find ourselves at the end of the world. Stranded in the middle of nowhere. Miles from a gas station or convenience store.

(And oh, wouldn’t it suck to be left there at the end of everything without a cigarette or two to wind down with!)

Yugi felt he deserved an emergency smoke. He was happy Atem wouldn’t follow him out to the car. He knew he wouldn’t, Atem froze in cold rain and he also hated the smell of cigarettes. He cracked the windows enough to let air in but not the rain. He opened the box, picking out a good one and placing it between his lips. He lit up the stick with fumbling hands, tossing the lighter onto the passenger seat. After the _longest_ drag he felt he had ever taken, Yugi relaxed back into the seat and exhaled. Eyes closed. Thinking.

For a while, his thoughts were tangled together too messily for him to address anything. He waited a bit, took a few more good drags and then tried again. Only one word droned in his head over and over and over: confession.

Confession.

_Confession._

Like in Church, he heard about those. Telling God things. Things you don’t tell others. And he supposed this was a little similar, but the only difference was that he wasn’t talking to an empty space. No, he would be telling a God right there in front of him with those big ol’ vibrant eyes that he wanted to…

Oh, he wanted to kiss him.

Just once. Tell Atem that he had swept away every other thought in his brain-- hell he knocked Yugi over backwards with the rush of unfiltered affection that was dying to be sucked out of Yugi’s body and into the other’s.

Yugi exhaled, smoke curtaining his eyes after he opened them. He looked at the illuminated window to their room. The curtains were shut, teasing more of that ugly green. Atem was probably still sitting on the bed. Waiting patiently.

So, what if he told him. What would happen? Atem was already tied to another. Seto, the Ocean God. From what Yugi had heard, from what he had _seen_ his entire life, the hurricanes, the storms, countless deaths; Seto hated humans. Hated them. And he treasured Atem like a dragon treasured gold. Yugi had no idea what Seto looked like. Apparently, he was beautiful. But he was certain that if the God ever heard of Yugi’s idiotic idea to tell Atem that he _loved_ him, Yugi was dead. Hell, the whole world might be.

He knew nothing of Seto.

Other than the legends his grandfather told and the things Atem reminisced about.

Other than the unsettling certainty that Seto would never forgive anything so foolish and the only punishment would be death.

Other than the stomach wringing fact that Atem would join Seto again soon, and they would continue on being eternal lovers.

“Fuck,” Yugi sighed. Maybe he could compromise. Atem didn’t have to like him back. Atem needn’t look him in the eye for the rest of their journey. Maybe the most important thing was that he _needed_ to get it off of his chest. Just say _fuck it_ and spill his guts. At least that way, they could continue onwards without the weight of confusion and uncertainty over their heads. Surely the trouble in Yugi’s heart would lessen after the initial blow of Atem’s rejection. But once he had it, once Atem knew and Yugi knew the answer, he could finally fucking vomit.

It was settled. Yugi inhaled one last time, a good finish to his spent cigarette before he opened the door and flicked it onto the wet pavement. He left the car and made a few quick strides to the motel door, doing his best to not get soaked in the few seconds the storm touched him. When he opened the door quietly, afraid to disturb the air of uncertainty in the room, he looked towards the bed and saw it unoccupied. His attention was quickly drawn to noises of water coming from the bathroom, the door open. A heavy amount of steam poured out of the entryway, which told him Atem was taking a bath. The water only froze Atem if it was cold, but if it was warm enough he’d be okay. Slow, but okay. Atem’s body would bring the water temperature to a near boil.

“Yugi?” Atem’s voice echoed, dreamy and quiet. He sounded like that when he bathed, Yugi knew that, but his heart pounded all the same. He squeezed his eyes shut and walked towards the bathroom.

“Atem? Hi.” Blindly, he reached for the doorframe and his hands found the sink a few seconds later. “Not peeking. You should’ve told me you were going to take a bath, if someone--”

“You don’t have to close your eyes. I’ve nothing to hide from you.”

Yugi bit his lip and didn’t dare look. “I know, I know, you always say that. But… I just. I have to… close my eyes. For me. Because,” he swallowed dryly, fingernails scraping against the pads of his thumbs. Nervous habits. He tried his best to speak with clarity because he never wanted to repeat the coming conversation ever again. He couldn’t. “So, earlier. About the thing I said. Me being upset about my birthday. That was bullshit.”

“I know.”

Even with his eyes shut Yugi knew Atem was smiling.

“You know?”

“Yes. I may be able to sense your heart without trying, but I’m also no fool. I can sense a lie just the same as you can.”

Yugi frowned. “Oh.” _Fuck._

“...And I may have left out a little bit of information myself.”

A small pause that felt like a lifetime, Yugi counted the drops from the bathtub faucet as he waited.

Six, by the time Atem continued speaking.

“I told you I can sense your heart. Your emotions. But I can feel more than just… when you’re sad, or happy. Or angry. I can sense other… feelings, too.”

Shit. Shit, shit shit. Yugi ground his teeth in embarrassment. Wanted to shrink into the corner of the room, maybe fall through the floor and into some other place on Earth.

“I am more to you than you speak of. You have affections towards me that you never demonstrate outwardly. I… understand your reasoning to harbor these feelings. But by doing so, the wild turmoil in your heart grew to the point where it was nearly unbearable to be around you so close, it… was overwhelming.”  

Yugi wanted to apologize but he felt like such a fucking fool and he couldn’t open his mouth.

“I wish you would have told me sooner,” Atem said.

A quick nod from Yugi so subtle and shaken he wondered if Atem saw it. The shame he felt was unbearable, and he hated that Atem probably felt it too.      

“If you had, I’m sure your heart would have been eased knowing that the feeling was and will always be mutual.”

Without thinking, Yugi’s eyes shot open. Nothing in him was prepared for Atem to say _anything_ but “get out” let alone words of reciprocation. Only the blur of Atem’s skin was seen before Yugi squeezed his eyelids shut again.

There was no way.

Absolutely no way.  

“I think we are talking about two different things, here.” A nervous laugh. “Uh.”

“What are you thinking of, then, if not fondness? I’ve felt it constantly for weeks. Yours and mine.”

The way Atem spoke only stumped Yugi more and brought blood to his cheeks. He always sounded so refined. Honest with no filter because every word he spoke was expensive silk.

Yugi tried to run with his initial plan because everything else was too confusing. “...No lies, okay? I’m going to just… say a bunch of things, and you…” Atem was fond? Of what? His mortal idiocy? “You don’t have to… do anything about it. I’ll just, say my stuff and then go to bed. And we can never talk about it again, that’s okay.” Atem was misinterpreting something. He had to be. “Okay. Here I go.”

Yugi took a big breath, _God_ he was sweating a lot-- no, that was the steam. It was really warm, too warm, he wanted to take a step back. Or two. Maybe run out of the room, out of the motel and just… fuck off. Fuck off very far away and admit to himself he was being weak later. A few months down the road, when he was lying in his old bed at his house with a hand down his briefs.

No.

No, he was stronger than that. He had already risked death.

“I have feelings for you. I mean, you already knew that. With your ability to read me and all, I…” Yugi sighed, a shaky smile and he quit picking at the pads of his thumbs. “Okay, I feel a little better. Saying that, and all. I… have for a while. God, is this, is this really even a confession? You already knew the whole damn time. Does this even help?”

“Yes,” Atem’s voice breathed through the room, mixed with the sound of him rising from the water. “It does. Because it means you are strong enough to speak with clarity, regardless of the consequences. And that is what I was waiting for.”

There was a rustling of a towel, Atem drying himself off. Oh God, Yugi swallowed down boiling feelings. There were so many. He didn’t know which to focus on.

Joy. Joy, joy. Excitement. Relief. Fear. Nervousness. Something to cry about. Sex? Some sort of sexual feeling. Happiness. Longing, and urgency. Joy. Excitement. Anxiousness. Sex. Atem.

Atem was so close to him. The warmth and steam from his body tickled Yugi’s skin.

“It’s exhilarating,” Atem said so close to Yugi’s ear he nearly jumped. “Your spirit. It’s like nothing else. I want to feel it, take it with me for safekeeping. It’s inside of you, I can sense your lighthearted thoughts, how they seize your mind.”

Holy shit, Yugi thought but may have said aloud. His breaths were tiny, tiny little puffs because he couldn’t believe this was fucking happening.

“So,” his voice broke and he flinched at how off he sounded, “just to be clear. Just-- just to be clear. You like me? Are fond in the way, uh, that makes you want to kiss people and such?”

Atem’s hands were on his shoulders now. Almost painfully warm. At least they weren’t touching his hands, or his jaw. Those were shaking awfully.

“Yes.”

Every nerve in Yugi’s body seemed to explode. Atem’s voice was a bit bolder than normal, so clear it seemed to touch every dead space in the walls. So much was behind that small word, Yugi couldn’t hold his trembling mouth back as it leaned towards the sound and collided with Atem’s lips.

A near immediate moan spilled from his throat at the feeling, Atem was _soft._ Soft beyond physicality, for the first time he could feel Atem’s divine self past the accidental brushing of skin or hands held through a busy crowd. A grain of a thought flew past (I’m kissing a God) Yugi’s mind and then it was all quiet except for the lush, warm press of lust and release that seemed to strangle out every fear he had.

Yugi was certain of all.

Atem’s naked self was against him, dampening his jacket more and he hoped the stale cigarette smell from earlier wasn’t a problem. But he knew how this was, how it felt to discard everything for the sake of _God this wasn’t enough_ so he let Atem’s lips form still against his own for a moment before pulling back. Noses still touching, hushed breaths between them.

“Your breaths are uneven.” Atem’s voice was so small Yugi wondered if he would be able to hear it at any other distance than _touching,_ oh they were pressed together he kept reminding himself of that. “You’re nervous.”

“I am,” Yugi admitted.

“But you’re fine with this?”

“I am.”

“You want this?”

“I do.”

“And myself. I want this.”

For a moment Yugi was stumped, then he realized this was not only a statement but a question. A test. _Trust._

“I believe you,” Yugi replied quietly.

Suddenly they were leaving the bathroom and Yugi’s eyes were a blur as he tracked down the bed with Atem’s hand in his. Though they were both wanting, he still wasn’t brave enough to glance at Atem’s body. He saw a collarbone here, his arm, his chest but he didn’t dare look lower. No, he wouldn’t unless they were deep enough and the thought that they _might be,_ a couple universes down from where they were, made him restless and uncomfortable in his jeans.

He sat down on the bed and Atem followed but they both laid back anyway, on their sides with lips locked. Hands exploring. Yugi’s were here and there with cold sweat (oh I hope that doesn’t bother him) but they didn’t dare trail lower than his shoulders. Instead they were touching Atem’s neck, his forehead, damp hair, a thumb against a cheekbone and sometimes he slid a hand down Atem’s arm. Taking note of everything. He wanted to burn Atem’s form into his brain, the way he felt and his naked skin. Months back when he had found Atem he was as naked as a newborn and Yugi didn’t mind it. No, back then he was merely a mystery. Anatomy found rigid underneath layers of grass and rotted wood. But his fascination had grown somewhere, at some point, and snowballed into the absolute admiration he felt towards him now.

“You can feel more of me.” A silent affirmation (request) from Atem. “If I can feel more of you. I favor skin to fabric.”

Yugi chuckled, a hearty noise that Atem smiled at and he shifted upwards to unbutton his windbreaker. “I’m sure you’d rather touch something dry, anyway.”

“Yes, your pants are quite unbearable.”

“Oh.” Yugi felt audacious enough with his little grin and Atem’s words. “You’re saying those can go, too?”

“I’d rather it all be discarded.” Atem was looking him in the eye now and Yugi was captivated. Otherworldly, Atem’s irises were, holy rings of red and orange. “Clothes are in the way of my interest. I want to see you as you are, no parts hidden. I don’t want to touch anything but you.”

The little part of Yugi’s mind that had a suitable response slipped away and left him flustered with his arms shimmying out of his jacket. He tossed it onto the floor and faced away from Atem as he removed his shirt. Atem’s eyes were on him, he was certain of that without looking.

“Why are you facing away?”

Yugi smiled. There were some things Atem would never understand, and other things Yugi would never understand about him. “Because I’m not used to undressing in front of someone else. I think it’s just a nervous thing.”

“I see.”

By the time Yugi was able to successfully undo the button on his pants, unzip them, and pull them away, Atem was clearly impatient. His fingers were tracing the outlines of bones on Yugi’s back, every knob of his spine he could feel. Shivers rippled from the places Atem’s fingertips touched. Yugi bit the inside of his lip. Nearly laughed at himself for thinking to say, “this is the big reveal” before sliding his briefs down. Instead, he chose to undress as fast as possible and slide underneath the sheets.

“I guess staying warm underneath _more_ fabric is an alternative to clothing,” Atem sighed.  

Yugi gave a small smile. Leaned up and kissed him, his hands grabbing at Atem’s arms and pulling him closer. “Sorry, we’ve got to meet in the middle somewhere. I’m not as confident about my chiseled, blindingly beautiful body as you are.”

“You should be.” Atem kissed him back and sat back to fit himself under the covers alongside Yugi and _oh_ things were real now, legs were touching and Atem had no reluctance in pressing against him.

“Atem?”

It was dark outside, Atem’s eyes were stars against the night. “Hm?”

“One more check-in. You’re okay with this. With me touching you, and all. And you touching me.”

Atem’s hands cupped his face and he made a quiet noise Yugi assumed was a laugh. “Yes. Yes, yes yes.”

Yugi closed his eyes and spoke against Atem’s palm. He placed his hand on top of his, fingers laced just barely. “Just being super certain.”

“Of course. Super certain.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then, now that you have my umpteenth promise of approval, let’s see what makes your heart fill.”

Both deciding words were no longer needed they kissed again. This time lips stayed touching. Yugi imagined kissing Atem would somehow be different because _he_ was different, a God, better. But his mouth was like home and Yugi’s tongue trailed along his lips. He felt one of Atem’s hands firm against the back of his head. It drifted down to his neck, traced a shoulder and settled on wrapping around his side. Atem used Yugi as leverage to push himself closer and Yugi’s breath was gone, captured by the other’s lips.

He could feel everything, Atem’s breathing, his heart, and… They’d fallen past the point of no return. They were both painfully aroused and Yugi grinded against him, the sudden movement caused Atem to gasp. Head snug against Yugi’s neck. His lips stayed there, pressing kisses and leaving marks wherever he found skin.

A particularly hard suck and a perfectly positioned grind forced a moan from Yugi’s throat and he leaned back a little to look at Atem.

Seemingly frustrated that Yugi pulled him away from his work, Atem looked at him with confusion. “What is it? Do you not like it?”

A rapid shake of his head. “I do,” Yugi replied quickly. That wasn’t it at all. “I just… was curious. What you wanted. We spent so much time figuring out if we even wanted to _kiss_ that I’m not all too certain what you…” He looked at Atem’s face, there was a slight blush on his cheeks and his lips were redder than normal. Hair drying oddly because he had tumbled out of the bath and into Yugi’s arms.

“Something I cannot share, will not share with anyone else.”

Yugi thought about it, tried to decipher what he meant. He wasn’t special like Atem. Merely a human who loved and wanted to be loved, wanted to give and receive affection, and wanted to have sex sometimes. He wasn’t special.

“The only other partner I’ve had in the past…”

“Seto.” Yugi felt weird saying his name when they were both naked and flushed.

“Yes. We…” Atem pursed his lips and reached to play with a bit of Yugi’s hair. “We couldn’t. Be together like this. We could hardly touch, even.”

“Yeah. The tales telling of you two said something similar. It’s because your body composition is so drastically different, you’d hurt each other, right?”

“Right. We tried to kiss on many occasions but… it would hurt us both too much. No matter what we tried, it wouldn’t work.”

Yugi thought to bring up the story about the Gods and the hot spring where they were finally able to lay together, but he didn’t want to. Thinking of Seto at all scared him.

“So… what _do_ you want?”

Atem smiled. “To see the end with you. You will be by my side, when I finally return to the core and say goodbye to the surface world and to all the rest of the animals. Seto and I will go on, unnoticed by everyone and everything. That is our role, and it is all we can do. Humans are too skeptical and too destructive. No longer relying on faith and beliefs, I fear a war of greed would break out if I was to be seen by too many. We are no longer seen as guides but as weapons. I may be hurt, so may Seto. The balance we bring to Earth would be disturbed, and that is the last thing I want.”

Yugi felt his heart sink at the talk of Atem’s inevitable departure. At first the motel seemed like some sort of hell jungle, an overwhelming amount of patterns and green _everythings_ that made him want to sleep outside. But if he had the choice he would make it his home as long as Atem stayed in this bed with him. Their moment in time would be encapsulated in a small, limitless space that only they could exist in. However, Atem would leave, and this night _needed_ to be everything they ever have wanted shoved in the space of a few hours.

Okay, Yugi thought. I can make that happen, he thought, blinking a few times and strongly ignoring the temptation to cry.

“Okay. I agree… with all of that. I know you need to leave, and I’ll be there with you when you do. But I more so was asking… about tonight. What do you want tonight?”

“To see the end with you,” Atem repeated.

“What does that--”

“I want to have sex with you.”

Yugi stared at him blankly, mouth open slightly and his heart felt like it was going to burst. And from the way Atem gasped, he sensed it too. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I… think I can manage that.”

“But I need you to be the one moving against me. I fear that I might lose control and hurt you on accident otherwise.”

Saying “a God asked me to fuck him once” goes far beyond bragging rights straight to the absurd. The thing was, Atem did, he just _asked,_ and Yugi almost chose not to believe him. But Yugi knew Atem didn’t lie. He withheld knowledge sometimes, but he never _lied._

“I think I can manage that,” Yugi replied breathily, eyes flickering to catch all of Atem’s exposed form in the lowlight. He got up suddenly and slid out of bed, scrambled over to their bags and started pulling things out. When he looked behind his shoulder Atem was looking back at him with curiosity. Also interest, he assumed.

“Like my ass?”

A distant laugh from Atem. “Yes.”

A few bags and zippers in, Yugi found the very discreet and tiny pouch he was looking for, cheeks raging with blood when his thumb rolled over the shape of a tiny bottle inside. He was glad he brought the bag. Better to be safe rather than sorry.

“What’re you doing?”

“Getting stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Yeah,” Yugi started back towards the bed. Awkwardly aware of his erection and how naked he was. “To make it… easier.”

“Sex?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.”

He shouldn’t be surprised that Atem didn’t know. “Uh.” Yugi got back in the covers and Atem scooted closer to lean his head against his shoulder. After chewing his lip for a while because _Atem wanted to have sex with him_ he unzipped the bag and spoke.

“This,” Yugi held up the small bottle, “is lubricant. So it doesn’t hurt as much and it’s easier to move. And condoms are just to be protective, and stuff. Especially with partners you don’t want to get… pregnant or anything.”

A small chuckle from Atem as he took the bottle from Yugi’s fingers. “I know what these are. They just look… a lot different, than they used to.”

“Before you got buried?”

“Yes. But that was a very long time ago and I don’t think you’d like to know what people used to--”

“Nope. Sure wouldn’t.”

Atem kissed his cheek. “Okay. Discard the condoms, I only want this.” He studied the small lube container and read the small text on the label.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. There is nothing in me, or you, that could hurt us.”

“How do you know that?”

Atem raised his eyebrows at Yugi and Yugi figured it was better not to ask. He laughed and tossed the bag along with the condoms onto the floor. “So it’s settled.”

“It is.” A little smile. “So act upon me.”

Yugi responded with a kiss, eyes only open long enough to take the bottle from Atem’s hand and place it on the nightstand. He pressed them both down, his chest flat against Atem’s. Their legs were tangled, Yugi’s between the other’s and his hand feeling skin with much more intent than before. No longer nervous. Yugi strived to feel everything before he took it all into his being. His memories. Atem’s body was damn near perfect, thin but firm muscles that were stronger than they let on, ribs that heaved with his exhales. Lower, _God_ he was going to feel lower, he dragged his thumb along the v-line of Atem’s lower abdomen. The kiss was only broken apart so he could move down and Atem didn’t seem to mind. He was making small sounds that traveled straight through Yugi’s ears and to his heart, he loved those noises. Atem was really enjoying this.

A hand was suddenly brushing Yugi’s hair back, fond and comforting motions that sent shivers down Yugi’s scalp clear to his toes. Atem’s other hand was gripping his shoulder firmly.

“Yugi,” Atem sighed, his hips starting to move in tiny circles to feel anything, _anything,_ and Yugi took that as a signal to move further. He pushed the duvet away and saw Atem’s body fully for the first time, in this way. And everything about him was astoundingly beautiful.

He stared for an unknown amount of time before Atem whined something he didn’t quite understand.

“Sorry,” Yugi mumbled. “You’re just so, so pretty.” He smiled and shifted upwards to kiss him, fingertips reaching to barely brush against the tip of Atem’s length. Atem reciprocated, his own hand reaching down to feel Yugi and then they were all each other’s. Touches began soft before turning into something new. Movements that lasted minutes. Somehow Yugi found himself turned onto his back with Atem hovering above, hands gripping his sides tight. Small kisses down his body until Atem’s mouth was around him, head moving slowly and Yugi’s brain stopped spinning with logic. Only the feeling remained, he let his eyes flutter shut and his hands were gentle in Atem’s hair.

“You’re so,” Yugi swallowed down thick spit and tried to think clearly. Amazing? Incredible? Fleeting? Everything? “Yeah.”

A comment Atem usually would laugh at, he always did when Yugi lost his train of thought. But he kept himself moving and his hands gripped tighter. Suddenly, Yugi understood, _quickly_ he read Atem’s deep, strong breaths and his hands went to grab at Atem’s. They were still tight on his sides, nearly drawing blood.

“Atem,” Yugi spoke around the loud thumping of his chest. “You don’t need to worry about doing this. I’m going to take care of you and you can just relax, remember?”

Atem’s head lifted and Yugi felt his body twitch when the warmth of his mouth left him.

“...You’re right. It’s just… when I touch you, I can feel what you do. A lesser extent… but I can feel what I’m doing to you, to your everything.”

“And you’ll still be able to,” Yugi replied as he sat up and let Atem lie down like he was before. “When I’m inside of you.” Yugi was surprised he was able to say that. “That’ll make both of us feel incredible. I know that much.”

“You’re right.” Atem closed his eyes. “You’re right, love.”

Yugi’s heart wasn’t ready for that one and either was Atem’s, apparently. They both looked at each other. “Love?”

“Yes.”

“Right.” Yugi kissed his cheek gently. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

The lube bottle was taken off the nightstand by Yugi. He distracted his racing thoughts and Atem by kissing him well with affection, unscrewing the cap without looking. He put a good amount on his fingers, the familiar coldness coating his skin. Atem’s legs parted at some point and Yugi was there, _oh he was there,_ his fingers finding heat that seemed a bit more intense than he remembered with others. Only one finger in and he found that Atem was already so relaxed and soft, he already seemed stretched.

“You feel great,” Yugi murmured against Atem’s collarbones.

“As do you,” came the quiet reply from above.

It didn’t take long at all for three of Yugi’s fingers to be moving in and out of him, both of them wanting so badly. Atem almost seemed to be _willing_ his body to be ready faster, if that was even possible. But he was Atem. He could do those kinds of things.

“Yugi,” a little hitch in Atem’s inhale, “I’m quite fine, I can feel it. Please.”

A little nod from Yugi. “Okay. Okay.” He kissed Atem a time or two more before sitting up and eyeing the lube bottle again. He gave a few quick strokes while applying a bit more to himself, and nearly stopped. He was so aroused, for so long it was starting to become _painful_ and he was admittedly worried he would last a record breaking small amount of time once he was actually inside of Atem. “I can’t promise I’ll be anything great.”

“You don’t need to promise me that, not when I see the truth.”

Yugi blushed, leaning down to rub his cheek against Atem’s. “You’re sweet.”

“For you.”

Deep breaths, Yugi’s hands resting on either side of Atem’s shoulders and they were staring at each other. Burning the sight into their minds, Yugi was alive and he was 21. He was here, June 4th, 1982. His birthday. Didn’t know the time, maybe it was the 5th already. Atem was unaffected by the rules of time but was there all the same, frozen in space for centuries before being discovered by Yugi. He’d taken a liking to humans and kindness, love without restriction. Unrestricted as he moaned deeply, Yugi’s length pressed against his entrance for only a moment because they were both _so ready;_ it surprised them both how smooth it felt and then they were together.

Yugi moved forward slowly, his muscles tensed because Atem was so warm. He was hot inside, but not enough to hurt. Tight, in a way that seemed just right for him to get lost in. “Wow,” he whispered, arms shaking slightly. “Wow.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Atem replied in a voice just as quiet, “your heart, it’s so happy.”

Crying was not what Yugi planned for but he did, just barely, all the same. He bit his lip and smiled. Tried to burn those words into his brain and repeat them like a record. “It is.”

“Don’t worry, Yugi. You’ll find me again.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I will make it so. I will be there, in a life new or undefinable we will be like this,” he gasped when Yugi pushed himself all the way in, “again.”

“I believe you (more than anyone or anything else),” Yugi replied. They moved together in the dark, constant sound of the bed creaking and little moans that blended together within the small room. Atem’s nails light against Yugi’s back-- mindful not to hurt, and Yugi’s head tucked next to Atem’s neck. Occasional kisses and bites, but mostly they were both left in a stupor of lust that kept them both from doing anything else but _feeling,_ a trance of bliss and Yugi lost track of time until he felt his oncoming orgasm.

Fuck, he thought, he wasn’t sure if they had been having sex for five minutes or ten seconds but it all seemed to be ending too soon. With his last bit of logic he grabbed one of Atem’s legs and rested it on his shoulder. Atem understood and his body seemed to fold, spread in such a wanton way Yugi nearly finished right then and there. Once they were stable Yugi gripped the sheets on either side of Atem’s head, looking down at him as he picked up the pace and thrust into him so hard he was thankful there were no neighboring guests.

“Yugi!” Atem cried, eyes scrunched shut and his hands reached aimlessly about for something that wasn’t there, eventually one drifted to his own erection and the other to Yugi’s cheek. Such a gentle, gentle touch amongst their intense shifts.

Words bubbled out from Yugi’s lips and he wasn’t sure where they came from or if he was thinking at all: “I’m here, I always will be, I’ll protect you.”

It was really, really fucking odd he thought in the moment that he chose to say those things to an entity that could end the world with a mere look. Maybe it was because Yugi felt like something else, something _beyond_ any sort of praise he had ever given himself. He fell through the gates of Atem’s heart without realizing it and saw the world becoming.

The truth was there: Atem wasn’t a God. Neither was Seto.

Neither of them ever had been. They were simply different, given separate paths to walk on because the love to _live_ had laid down stones for them. If there was a God it existed in everyone. Everything. It was only in imagining there was a higher being that the tiny candlelight in everyone’s souls became hidden. Atem was an origin. He was a reason for being, a point that all returned to. But he was not a God.

If there ever was one, it chose to destroy that title millions of years ago and it had become all.

_All._

Yugi saw his own candlelight that night, he was close enough to _touch_ it but he wouldn’t dare. He only looked at his Self, caught in the most comforting blanket of darkness he had ever felt. It all felt limitless but the sound of the bed creaking, in their universe on their Earth in their motel room brought him back to his body with Atem’s underneath.

“We are going to make it. I’ll be there, because you’ll be with me too.” More sentences tumbled from Yugi and he knew they weren’t nonsense because Atem gave him a look he almost heard. A soft, toothy smile and tears in his eyes (they looked like gold) and the look said:

 _I believe you. You understand All, we will always be connected through belief._   

Expressions blurred as Yugi leaned forward to kiss Atem through the end

_(To see the end with you.)_

and his body trembled with peace in release. He pushed into him a few more times as he rode out the feeling, and Atem was there with him seconds later. He cried out a short something that was a language Yugi didn’t understand by word but he could hear it in his heart.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_Until the letters start to lose their shape and become something undefined and greater._

“Whatever that greater thing is, something beyond love-- right back at you.” Yugi laughed a little and collapsed on top of Atem. A tangled mess of skin. They were both still buzzed from the sex and all that came with it.

_(To see the end with you.)_

Quiet, harmonious inhales and exhales. Yugi knew he was sweaty and gross but he also knew that Atem didn’t care. No, Atem was drawing on his back with his finger. “I’d say we could talk about what happened. What I felt, and what you probably felt too.”

“Yes,” Atem replied. “When our hearts were connected.”

“Yeah. But you already know it all and so do I. There’s no point, right?”

“Right. Unless talking gives you comfort.”

Now that Yugi was focused on more than Atem’s skin, the room seemed to have dropped all around them into the same tasteless green mess it was before. It occurred to him suddenly that they had reached the end of that path. An infinite expanse beyond them, but the road of concrete and limitations Yugi was used to was now gone. He was teetering off the edge with the tips of his toes.  

And there was every direction to walk but backwards.

Yugi adjusted himself comfortably, so did Atem. They were lying facing each other, bodies parallel and hands held.

“I know you’ll always be here. I know that. But I’m not ready for you to… leave.”

“You’re not ready to come where I am.”

Yugi shook his head. “No. I’m not.”

“But you will be.”

“A long time from now, I’m sure.”

Atem brushed his thumb along Yugi’s fingers before bringing the hand to his lips and speaking against it. “I will be everywhere you are, you just won’t be able to see until you’ve come with me.”

“And that’s okay, right?”

A gentle kiss on the back of Yugi’s hand.

“Yes. Until then, I’ll always be the phoenix on your shoulder.”


End file.
